I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
we're so committed to being not committed
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
