Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My cat gives me a boner
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
