can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
