I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
