I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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