Please, let me fuck your mom
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Girls should come with a carfax report
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
