He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
