Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
