The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
