i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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