i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
