is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
