the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
