I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
