mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
