Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
