He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
