Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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