i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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