i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
