my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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