you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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