wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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