You really coming over, don't trick.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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