Are we in a gay sports bar?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
