Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
