The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
