Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
