don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize