Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
