Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
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