After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
