Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
