: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
