help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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