yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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