YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
