I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
why is half of my head shaved?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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