forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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