I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
