I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
