and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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