I think my fart just growled at me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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