I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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