How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
