So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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