This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have aggressive nipples.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
