Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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