I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
