If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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