I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
