apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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