Betty ford says i'm here all night
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
