Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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