hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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