no, he came in my armpit
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
